In a recent conference presentation on resilience, I shared this quote from Dr. Stephen Porgess, author of The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation.
“Our nervous system needs to be in a specific physiological state to promote bold ideas, creativity, and positive social behavior.”
One of the key messages from this quote is that for us to see opportunities in the midst of change, challenge, and uncertainty, we need to be in a physiological/emotional state that makes that possible.
Thus, it is SO important during these challenging times to cultivate our ability to shift our emotional/physiological state from despairing to hopeful, from disempowered to empowered.
One wonderful way of doing that is to engage in a regular gratitude practice (I’ll address this another day).
Another simple, powerful, and joyful way of doing that is to consume stories that remind us that:
“This difficult time…it’s just a chapter…it’s not the whole story”
With that in mind, I want to share with you an experience I had years ago when I first volunteered at an animal shelter as a dog-walker, or more accurately… a dog-runner, dog-hugger, and dog-playmate.
While doing this brought me unbelievable joy, it also continually reminded me how important it is to remind ourselves when going through tough times that:
“Everything can change in an instant”
Here’s the story of Betty, which reminded me of this and also reminded me that, even during long stretches of difficulty, there is always hope…
When I first saw Betty, I barely noticed her. She looked very unremarkable. All I saw was an ordinary looking, chunky lab mix, mostly black, with some white on her muzzle.
She was neither an adorable puppy, nor a sleek, exotic looking greyhound, nor a muscular, wriggling-with-affection pit bull entreating you to cuddle.
She was just an ordinary looking dog.
Then I read her information card.
It said that Betty was six years old and had spent three years in a shelter in Louisiana.
I was filled with sadness. Half of this dog’s life had been spent in the confines of a Louisiana shelter.
At that moment, I made it my mission to “totally love on” Betty whenever I came to the shelter.
The first time or two that I took her for a walk and petted her, Betty interacted in a very subdued manner. It was if she had resigned herself to her lot in life. It was if she had decided she was going to make the best of a bad hand life had dealt her.
But gradually Betty Dog came to life.
After a few visits, she would leap up in the air and wriggle with joy when I came around, knowing it meant:
A) going for a walk
B) getting scratched and her belly rubbed
C) getting hot dog slices.
As the weeks went on, I fell in love with Betty and her sweet, soulful personality.
Although I loved seeing her and was probably as thrilled to see her as she was to see me, I was saddened that no shelter visitors seemed to be looking at her.
Then one day as I put her in the back of her kennel, I heard a man’s voice say “Oh, here comes Betty.”
What, I thought, is someone here to see Betty?
Even better, the voice sounded excited about the prospect.
Because the back of the kennels are cinder block with only a tiny window to look through, I couldn’t see who owned the voice. I went around to the front of the kennel and there stood a big, friendly looking man named Steve, along with his partner, Jen, along with their teen-age boy Raymond and little girl Abby.
I asked them if they knew Betty.
Steve said they had seen her at their last visit and were considering adopting her.
While I was thrilled that someone was interested in Betty, I also hoped it wouldn’t be just anybody, but rather people who would truly treasure this sweet dog.
Not wanting to hover as they talked about and interacted with Betty, I left them and went on to walk other dogs. Later, I sought them out, both to extol Betty’s virtues, and to experience them with her.
Steve and Jen told me how during their last visit, they had zeroed in on Betty, despite the many adorable puppies that were available. They shared their concern that Betty, not being an adorable little puppy and being rather quiet and unassuming, was being overlooked by other visitors.
That was one reason why they were initially drawn to her.
I shared with them that Betty reminded me of that kid in school who wasn’t “one of the cool kids” but when you made the effort to get to know them, you discovered they were an amazing person and they became the most amazing friend.
They too saw that in Betty.
Their tender spot for Betty as somewhat of an Under Dog and their appreciation of Betty’s sweet nature and gentle charm made it clear that these warm-hearted people would make a wonderful family for Betty.
What convinced me that this would be the ideal family for Betty, though, was what happened when Steve hunkered down so he could get closer to Betty.
As soon as he did, Betty became a Surface to Steve Missile, launching herself at him.
She licked him right on the mouth.
First, I had never seen her that affectionate with anyone except me, and second, his response to being licked on the mouth by a dog not his own — laughter — made it clear: this is the family for Betty.
We talked some more and then I left, so they could talk amongst themselves. Later, when I walked by with another dog, they said they were going to go in and talk to the staff.
Later, as I was leaving the shelter, I saw them getting into their van.
“We’re going to get our dog Luca to see if he and Betty get along. If they do, we’re going to get her,” they told me.
The next day, when I came to the shelter, I made a beeline for Betty’s kennel.
What I saw, and how I felt, reminded me of one of my favorite movie scenes ever. It comes from the movie Good Will Hunting.
If you’ve ever seen Good Will Hunting, you might remember that touching scene near the end of the movie, when Ben Affleck’s character knocks on the door of Matt Damon’s character’s apartment, signaling that he’s there to pick him up to go to work. When there’s no answer, Chucky (Ben Affleck) peers into Will’s apartment’s window. The apartment is bare.
Will is gone.
Chucky smiles knowingly.
You see, earlier in the movie, there’s a scene where Chucky and Will are taking a break from their work at a construction site.
Chucky is challenging Will to break free of this life and make use of his incredibly gift — his one-of-a-kind mathematical mind.
He tells Will that, even though Will is is best friend, the favorite part of his day is when he knocks on Will’s door in the morning to pick him up, because every time he does that, he hopes that Will won’t be there, that he will have just up and left, “no goodbye…no nothin’.”
That hoped for moment has finally come.
Will isn’t there.
As Chucky turns away, he smiles. His face glowing with recognition.
He knows that the empty apartment means that Will has just taken a step to a much better life.
As I looked in Betty’s kennel, and saw two puppies instead of Betty, I too smiled, knowing what it meant.
The new occupants meant that after spending half her life in a shelter, Betty had closed that chapter and had just begun a new chapter.
This chapter would be about living with a loving family who clearly adored her.
Epilogue: I kept in touch with Betty’s family and they were kind enough to bring her back to visit. It was SO heart warming to see how happy she was and how much they loved her.
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What Now?
- Share inspiring stories on social media. Be a purveyor of hope and inspiration
- Fill your own well regularly to offset all the doom and gloom. Search “inspiring news” and “inspiring stories”. The DailyGood.org is one such place you can find these. If you have recommendations, please post in the Comments section.
- Make sharing these stories as well as what I call “If we can handle that, we can handle THIS” stories in team meetings to uplift your team’s spirits and shift their emotional/physiological state and boost their energy level, because again:
“Our nervous system needs to be in a specific physiological state to promote bold ideas, creativity, and positive social behavior.”
For another “rescue dog story” check out this Medium post
About the Author: David Lee is an internationally recognized authority on organizational and managerial practices that optimize employee performance, morale, and wellbeing.
In addition to his work in this area, he is a career coach, workplace relationship coach, and the author of recently released book Dealing with the Difficult Co-Worker: Volume One of the Courageous Conversations at Work Series.
He has worked in the stress and resilience field for over 30 years, blending scientific research with a wide range of peak performance technologies, and wisdom traditions. He has presented in organizations and at conferences throughout North America and Australia on this and related topics.
His program Becoming Resilient has aired multiple times on public radio.
To book him for your event or an in-house program, you can email him
To follow him on LinkedIn, click here.
